Awkward hilarity ensues whenever I get a customer like myself.
Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry. I ordered this soup with shrimp, not tofu. I’m sorry!”
Server: “Oh, no! I’m sorry! Let me take that out of your way. I’ll bring you a new one. I’m so sorry that happened! I’ll be right back.”
C: “Okay, thank you so much. I’m so sorry!”
S: “No, no, don’t be sorry! This was totally my fault. I’m sorry!”
C: “I’m so sorry!”
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I told one of our regular customers that I would be moving to Philadelphia next week.
He said, “Oh, they’re taking another one of our pretty girls! The whole state’s going to miss you!”
Warm fuzzies all over. I love our regulars.
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A man tried to order a “Japanese salad” today.
Confused, his waitress tried to clarify, “Were you thinking of the Vietnamese salad?”
The man shrugged. “Vietnamese, Japanese. Same thing.”
“They are not!” cried the waitress. “The Japanese have chinky eyes!”
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I single-handedly took out half of the restaurant’s electricity today.
The temperature has been in the 90s all week, and the humidity has been at an unbearable high. Despite all this, a very grumpy looking customer declared that it was freezing in the restaurant. I could feel the sweat drip down my nose, but I’m a people pleaser. I agreed to turn off one of the air conditioners.
Both air conditioners are mounted high up on the wall. I am a tiny little girl, who cannot for my life reach the old school dials on either. I decided it would suffice to just unplug one of them, since I could reach the outlet.
I tugged. It was a rickety, rusty air conditioner that predated our little establishment. I tugged again. I was certain I had seen some of the other girls and my manager unplug the machine many times in the past, so I wasn’t concerned when I thought I saw little sparks fly. Finally, with one last yank, the plug came free. The air conditioner stopped. The music stopped. The lights went out. All in one split second. All the girls and customers and my manager froze in horror. Someone giggled.
We had to ask our head chef to check our circuits. I hid in a corner until the ordeal was over.
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In a generation of shitty parents, it’s so refreshing to see great parents who really care about their kids and raise their kids to be good people.
Three adorable little boys and their parents came in to eat today. After every little thing, two of them would chirp “Thank you!” But one of them, a bit shyer than his brothers, would look away. His parents tried, to no avail, to get him to talk.
Finally, at the end of the meal, when I handed the table their check with a few little chocolates, his face lit up. “Thank you,” he said timidly. Then, deciding that he rather liked the phrase, he said a little louder, “Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you! EXTREMELY thank you!”
It completely made my day.
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…Did you seriously just demand a high chair for your month old infant? You are aware that your ugly kid is currently unable to sit up on its own, right?
Oh, I see what you’re doing. You’re precariously perching your car seat on top of the high chair. In the middle of the aisle. Where we need to walk by carrying just-under-boiling bowls of soup, and anyone even brushing by can destabilize your genius set-up.
And you’re going to spend your meal stuffing your face while your baby wails. Perfect. I can already tell its going to have a bright future.
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As I was running around yesterday, I had a very concerned young woman flag me down.
In fact, she seemed so flustered that she was having trouble finding her words. Finally, with a little help from her dinner date, she managed to stutter, “I think a little bug flew into my drink.”
She pushed around the ice, and sure enough, a tiny little speck was floating in her limeade.
“Oh! I’m sorry! Would you like me to bring you a new one?”
“No.”
“Did you want me to get this one out of your way?”
“No.”
“Oh. Okay. Did you want anything else at all?”
“No.”
The couple nonchalantly went back to eating. I stood by their table, confused, for a few seconds. Wait, what just happened?
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Today, I had the most delightful old man flag me down by calling out, “Yoohoo!” as I walked by.
I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I love old people.
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A single father came in with two adorable little boys today.
As I was getting their drinks, I squealed to my manager. “They’re so cute!”
“Who? The guy?”
“The entire family,” I clarified.
“Because if you think the guy is cute, it look like a buy one, get two free sale.”
Oh, Mr. L. You’re a goof.
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At festivals, we usually set out a little tip jar at our food booth. Towards the end of the night, a man approached us.
“Hi! I got food a little while ago, and left a tip. I meant to throw in a one, but accidentally dropped in a twenty.”
Four girls were working the booth. None of us remembered seeing the man. Neither did our on-site chef, who was working right in front of the tip jar.
“You don’t remember me? I was here like fifteen minutes ago!”
We agreed to look through our tip jar. Sure enough, there was a single twenty. The man’s face lit up.
He reached out to take it, but J- secretly known as Sherlock Holmes- stepped up.
“You said you dropped this in fifteen minutes ago?” The man nodded enthusiastically. “Theoretically, the twenty would be near the top of the tip jar. Unfortunately, we found this little guy all the way at the bottom- indicating it found its way there earlier in the day.” The man’s smile faded.
“Coincidentally, earlier today, we switched out twenty singles from the tip jar for a twenty dollar bill from the register because we were running out of ones. If you also dropped a twenty in, there would be two twenties. There is only one.”
The man stuttered, “Uh. Uhm. Well. I just wanted to let you know!” and ran away into the night.
We commended him for his outstanding efforts.
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